The Adventures Of Sarah The Mosasaur Trainer
by Lord Kristine
Summary: In which things happen, and then the story ends.


"She's a little shy, so be nice and give her a hand when she comes out."

Sarah had given the same spiel countless times. The job of a mosasaur announcer/trainer tended to be a repetitive one. If an animal was supposed to learn a special trick, the key was to practice, practice, practice. It was similar with people. In order to get the best result from a performance, it was crucial to work on the formula until it was perfect. By now, Sarah knew her speech by heart. She knew it so well, in fact, that she would sometimes have night terrors about her job. She'd wake up in a cold sweat, thinking "Oh, no! Don't make me do this when I'm asleep _too_!".

Although the monotonous thrum of stale repetition was ever present in the back of Sarah's mind, so was the hope that, someday soon, her life would change. If something incredible were to break the endless cycle, Sarah could finally realize her true potential. She was not like the other employees, after all. No one would guess how diversified her talents were. Karate? Black belt, of course. Instruments? Piano and accordion. Dance? Two years tap, three years jazz. Pottery? Been there, done that. Declawing cats? A breeze.

Yes, Sarah knew how to do a lot of things, but unfortunately, she never got the chance to show off her skills. The closest she came to unleashing her full potential was when Claire asked her how good she was at juggling. She had proceeded to give a full demonstration with flaming chainsaws, until she clarified that she was referring to juggling in a _metaphorical_ sense. Ah, well. Everyone knew that Claire was a stick in the mud, anyway.

One day, during her lunch break, Sarah heard a loud ruckus outside. She trotted out of the staff building and was surprised to see a flock of flying reptiles swarming Main Street. She ran back to her locker to grab her crossbow just as something large dropped into the mosasaur tank. Once she had her weapon in hand, she began shooting the airborne terrors out of the sky.

When the area was relatively clear, Sarah gave a satisfied nod and strolled over to the mosasaur tank to check on her asset. The creature seemed to be coughing something up at the other end of the enclosure. As the creature finished vomiting, Sarah gave a whistle to call her over.

"Hey, baby girl! Are you sick?" she cooed.

The animal moaned and rolled over. Sarah rubbed her chin.

"Is it food poisoning?"

'Rhoo rhoo rhoo rhoo . . .' the mosasaur groaned.

"Well, fiddlesticks. I just don't know what could be wrong!" Sarah huffed, "We'll have to call the vet."

The mosasaur rolled over suddenly and lifted its fin. It started barking in terror.

"What is it, girl?"

The mosasaur pointed to something behind Sarah. Instead of turning around, she narrowed her eyes.

"Little Timmy is stuck in a well?"

The mosasaur shook her head and pointed more ferociously. Sarah put her hands on her hips.

"Well, golly. I don't know what could be-"

A hand clamped around her mouth. Sarah tried to scream, but something whacked her on the head, and she went unconscious.

When Sarah awoke, she felt very different. For one thing, she was lying on her belly, which didn't seem possible, given the way her neck was bending. She was staring straight forward, which indicated that her spine was attached to her skull higher up than before. Upon further examination, she realized that she was more limber than usual. Her body moved freely, which was infinitely odd. Perhaps she had slept in an unusual position . . . or maybe she was a prehistoric reptile.

Skittering around in panic, Sarah realized that she was, in fact, some kind of animal. She was green with a yellow belly and yellow paws. A flaxen sail stood rigidly on her back, and sharp teeth lined her mouth. Thankfully, she still had a full head of hair. Fabulous, glossy hair.

"Awesome!" Sarah cheered, "I may be a reptile, but my coif is still super-duper!"

She looked around, noticing that she was inside of a prison cell.

"Hmmm . . . This won't do."

She waddled up to the bars and squeezed through. Once she was on the other side, she stood up and brushed herself off.

"Super. Now all I have to do is find out how I became a . . ."

She twirled around, examining herself.

"Dimetrodon? Postosuchus? . . . Dimetrosuchus? . . . _Postosarahdon_!"

She put her paws on her hips.

"Jinkies! I guess this makes me a hybrid."

Sarah skittered across the room on scaly feet. She saw other reptiles in the cells beside hers, as well as some herbivorous hybrids.

"Wow, there's a whole host of hybrids here! Are you guys all human, too?"

A colorful, bipedal dinosaur with a crest and dome-head snorted angrily.

"Move along, scaly. Nothing to see here."

Sarah examined the prisoners one by one. They looked up at her with sad faces, and she couldn't help but feel sorry for them.

"Gosh, this is awful. I'd better find a way to get you out of here."

She heard a door slam nearby, and skittered around in panic, searching for a hiding place. She climbed up a wall and hung from the ceiling, hoping that no one would see her. A purple-haired girl entered the room, holding a clipboard in her hands. She looked into the cells one by one and took note of the animals. When she came to Sarah's cell (which was empty, of course), she dropped her pencil in shock.

"Crap! I lost another one. My mom isn't going to like this . . ."

The purple-haired girl pulled out her phone, texting rapidly. While she was distracted, Sarah took the opportunity to skitter out the door, which had been left open. After crawling upside-down through several halls, she finally found a door that led outside. When she examined her surroundings, she realized that she was no longer on Isla Nublar.

"Crikey! They've taken me to Madrid!"

Sarah didn't know much about Spain, but something told her that large reptiles were not commonly accepted, thus, it would be wise to stay out of sight. She crawled up a brick wall and climbed over the roofs of nearby houses, using her reptile legs to launch herself across the gaps. During one of her jumps, a gust of wind hit her sail, and she lost her balance.

"AAAAAAAAAH!"

She slid down a slanted roof and fell into an arena of some kind. Rubbing her head in pain, she looked around with double vision. She snapped to attention when she saw an angry bull pawing at the ground.

"Oh, poo."

She stood up and removed her scarf (which happened to be the only article of clothing she was still wearing). Holding out the blue fabric like a toreador, she taunted the bull.

"Come and get me, you ruminant rascal!"

Sarah swung out of the way as the bull charged forward. He hit the wall of the arena, and was promptly knocked out. Sarah skittered up his back and landed on the other side of the wall.

"That was easy."

She lifted her head when she heard someone clapping very slowly. A woman stepped down from the empty bleachers with an evil grin.

"Very impressive, Sarah. But you're not done yet."

Sarah frowned.

"How do you know my name?"

The woman chuckled.

"I have connections . . . _wireless_ connections."

Sarah blinked.

"Okay . . . Who are you, and why aren't you surprised that you're talking to a hybrid reptile?"

The woman sneered.

"You are a hybrid reptile because of _my_ request. My company needs a new mascot. Somehow, I think our other deal fell through."

She started stalking around Sarah slowly.

"I placed an order for a prehistoric animal. Your captor is working in the black market of genetics. Nonetheless, I bought you fair and square."

"But I escaped!" Sarah protested, "And also, I'm a human being!"

"Not anymore," the woman cackled, "You belong to my company."

"Who do you work for?"

The woman tented her fingers.

"Verizon Wireless. I am . . . _Erica Brand_! MUHAHAHAHA!"

Sarah cocked her head.

"That name means nothing to me."

Erica frowned.

"Whatever. Your period of unlimited data is coming to an end, and you won't be allowed to renew your contract . . ."

Sarah's eye twitched.

"Are you trying to threaten me? You're not very scary . . ."

Erica gave an evil laugh.

"I don't _have_ to scare you! I have the power to do whatever I want! I am in charge of the largest 4G LTE network in all of America! My coverage extends all the way to Canada!"

Sarah crossed her arms.

"If you think you can get the best of me, you're in for a surprise."

Erica scoffed.

"What are you gonna do? You can't possibly compete with Verizon's affordable plans!"

Sarah smiled.

"Wanna bet? How about this: challenge me to any kind of competition. We'll play for my freedom. If I win, I walk. If _you_ win, I'll do whatever you say."

Erica smiled sinisterly.

"Now, _that's_ some shared data that I can take advantage of! Very well. I accept. I challenge you to . . . A RAP BATTLE!"

Sarah quirked a brow.

"You sure you're up to it?"

"Does Verizon provide coverage in more regions than any other network?"

Sarah blinked.

"It does," Erica explained flatly, "Now, prepare to meet your doom!"

She tore off her clothing, revealing a dazzling outfit.

"The time for reptiles is over, cuz the cellular age

Is gonna blow your mind with contracts based on your wage!

Think you're cool? You know nothing and you're gonna pay!

When the bill comes, I'm gonna send you on your way!

Are you signed up with a rival corp? Well, Telus what it is,

Cuz your feeble little company can't challenge this biz!

Pop, lock, and drop your phone, but we charge by the minute!

This world is so much better, cuz Verizon is in it."

Sarah started breakdancing.

"You're mammalian, fool, thinking 'bout the quaternary,

But Paleozoic animals are cooler and less hairy!

Are you writing this? Let me lend you my Permian marker!

When the reptiles ruled the earth, the fate of mammals was darker!

Think your phones are cool? Too bad! You're all out of Chor-data!

Here's a brief Synapsida of the way you're winning nada:

Got two measures of teeth, a sail for thermal regulation,

People think I'm a Rex, but I ain't in the dino nation!

I'm a separate Clade, so just give it a pass!

If you call me a 'saur, I'll pop a cap in Jurass!

You can phone it in, but I'm the real deal, bro!

Your plans are super expensive, and your network is slow!"

Erica growled.

"You're an overgrown lizard with an ugly-ass sail!

You can't win this rap battle, so get ready to bail!

My company is the boss, and I'll tell you a secret,

I'm gonna-"

Erica realized her mistake too late. She sputtered in confusion, trying to think of a rhyme, but to no avail. Sarah gave a triumphant cheer and pumped her fist.

"How do you like _them_ apples?"

Erica growled.

"This isn't over! One day, I will return, and when I do, the world will belong to Verizon! MUHAHAHAHA- Oh, and don't forget to ask about our most recent deals . . . HAHAHAHAHA!"

She ran into the streets of Madrid, leaving Sarah alone.

"Well, that was an adventure!" she remarked, "I'd say it's about time to head home. I should get some rest before my early shift tomorrow."

"That won't be necessary."

Sarah wheeled around in surprise as the bull (who had regained consciousness) started talking to her. She backed up nervously.

"Oh my god . . . Are you a sentient bull?"

The animal shook his head.

"I'm a projection of another entity, who happens to be a dragon. Point is, Jurassic World suffered a huge disaster while you were away, and it's very likely that your services are no longer required."

Sarah snapped her claws.

"Darn. I was expecting a raise, too."

The bull shrugged.

"C'est la vie. Fortunately for you, I came here to offer you another job. Come with me to a parallel dimension, and I'll make sure that your skills are put to good use."

Sarah rubbed her chin.

"Do I get dental insurance?"

"Of course," the bull said.

"Perfect! I'm in!" Sarah cheered, "Today marks a new beginning for Sarah the Mosasaur Trainer! From now on, I swear I'll never be bored again!"

She kicked open the door to the arena and hopped on the bull's back. They rode through the streets of Madrid and into the countryside, where the sun was beginning to sink into the shimmering desert. Silhouetted against the warmly painted sky, the bull reared up on his hind legs, and Sarah let out a joyous cry.

"Yee-haw!"

Somehow, she knew everything was going to be just fine.

 **The End**


End file.
